K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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