So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
