it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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