Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
