it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
