In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
