the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Too much gin, very little bucket
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
