my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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