I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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