8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize