You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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