curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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