so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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