first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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