I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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