Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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