It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
