We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
