carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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