dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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