I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
