You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize