My first STD was from a foam party
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
