is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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