toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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