Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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