Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
