i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Randomize
