found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize