I must be too annoying 4 u.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
where are you?
Hypothermia
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My liver just had a heart attack.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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