just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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