Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
