Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
