video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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