Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
