I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
