I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize