I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
