I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
