Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
