Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
