This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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