Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
