cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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