TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
