she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
