At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
