i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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