I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Your cock deserves a montage
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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