I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize