Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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