Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
