as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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