Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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