That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
