Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
id be glad to
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
