Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize