why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
