A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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