i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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