i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
