Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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