apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
