she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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