I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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