first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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