first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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