I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize