We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
