If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
