dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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