Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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