Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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