Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
