you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
