she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
