She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
