I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
