the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
