Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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