I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I cut my penus on the lid.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
