my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
