I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
