Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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