Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
