the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
