Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
