worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
