I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
