If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she looked like the before picture.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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