You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
