If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
