Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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