Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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